I’m not sure if I have used it correctly but in any case, it doesn’t really matter.
I am not entirely incapable of positive rumination, I surmised. Does rumination always connote a negative meaning anyway?
It was a good weekend I had. There wasn’t anything out of the ordinary. In fact, it was just a simple and normal weekend like most other weekends, but yet I think I sort of enjoyed it.
I was supposed to meet someone on Saturday, a day that the other person proposed after a suggestion to meet sometime back wasn’t available for the other party. On Saturday itself, said person dropped me a text and asked if I could meet on Sunday instead. It wasn’t that I was trying to be difficult or inflexible, but I had sort of made plans for Sunday, which included yoga, followed by church and then visiting my parents. Eventually, the Saturday and Sunday didn’t exactly pan out as I had planned (I visited my parents on Saturday instead of Sunday) but I told the person I wasn’t free on Sunday, which was true as at the point when I responded.
I pondered and thought, did I want to go ahead to meet the person and what was it that I wanted from the meet-up? I know that friends don’t really need any express/explicit reasons to meet for a catch-up but sometimes I get reluctant to go through with such meet-ups. There are friends I love to meet regularly because conversation just flows naturally and deeply. But with some, it feels superficial and contrived, and end up mired in frustration because the other person doesn’t or can’t empathise or comprehend. It’s like when I share about certain things and the responses that come from the person generally fall into certain categories that make me feel: (1) I am not trying hard enough (to change the situation/achieve something); (2) I am thinking too much; (3) I am just being idealistic/unrealistic. The way such conversations go tend to invalidate and trivialise how I think and feel, even though, yes I know everything isn’t all about me. But it is not fair to imply that I have not tried hard enough and it is frustrating to be told that ‘maybe if it isn’t happening, it’s just not meant to be / the timing is not right – you should just stay where you are’.
What is it that I want to hear from them anyway? Maybe it is better then that I tell myself that instead of hoping to hear certain words from another’s lips.
So there are things to be thankful for despite that things didn’t go as planned. I had a quick and simple brunch by myself on Saturday, then in the afternoon I went for a second yoga class. I don’t know if I wasn’t feeling that great/well then or it was simply too warm, both outside and inside the studio but physically my state was bad. I struggled in class, and after that stumbled out and slumped onto the floor unable to get up without compromising my balance/consciousness. Some kind lady saw me outside the studio and offered to help me refill my bottle because I was parched for sure, and I had no ounce of energy in me to stand up and fill my bottle. I was so thankful for that helping hand.
Then my mum called after I showered and informed me that my brother and his family were heading home for dinner and asked me if I was going (and why not, she asked lol). So it turned out eventually I headed back for dinner with them and it was almost like a feast my mum cooked. It wasn’t anything extravagant like lobsters or abalone (I am not a fan anyway) but the amount of food she cooked had all of us filled to the brim.
Sunday came and went, again with classes (and some twist that also eventually turned out alright) and church service – where I sort of couldn’t concentrate at all and kept wanting to doze off.
Although I did spend a bit of the weekend on work, it was generally done voluntarily. Maybe I will talk a little more on that in the next post because this is getting a tad lengthy. Overall, it was a good weekend anyway.