I couldn’t sleep well again. Spent a long while turning and tossing, frustrated by the noises from above and around. Why are people revving engines at 11pm in the night?
Actually I’d fallen asleep for a bit to be woken by these right before midnight, which caused the broken sleep and thereafter I just couldn’t get back into proper slumber anymore. Finally at 4.30, I decided to just wake up and quit trying to go back to sleep.
Sunday was actually a pretty good day I had, with the morning starting with a yoga class after I spent the earlier part of the morning mopping the floor.
Attended service and then had a nice catch-up session with a friend over coffee, cake and lunch, a tad too much perhaps that today… well the story of my life reads again how the obsession with controlling the number on the weighing scale took over and I’ve failed on the control bit. Really, it’s the thing that’s taken control over me and over the last few days the number has sort of risen to a level that I’ve not seen in a while. Yes I am upset but compared to before when I’d be reduced to a sobbing mess and lamenting and blaming God for putting me through this, I think I got to the stage where I’ve become so tired and jaded. Maybe I’ve finally become resigned that I’ll just never be able to control it whichever way I want it to go without seriously limiting and restricting my life to one that is devoid of the joy of allowing oneself to indulge and enjoy gastronomical treats.
When I talk about such stuff to other people, I do it with this sense of self centred-ness that I know speaks of a lot of insensitivity for how others may feel when I wax lyrical on being unable to accept that I’ve gained a kilogram over a day. Maybe it’s something others struggle with too but me imposing my complains on them is probably not such a kind and nice thing to do.
The business district on the weekend is always a picture of tranquility and peace, entirely different from what it is on weekdays.
Yummy pre-yoga snack on Sunday.
The broken sleep is evident in the slight bloodshot appearance in my dull eyes, which funnily, a friend I met for lunch last week mentioned I still have that big smile and sparkle in my eyes. Really? I thought that the inside of me has died several times over, and my senses are dull with zero interests remaining in me, not shopping, not travelling, not anything. Maybe only food? Or that is another touchy area for me because of the tight grasp of control I am trying to exert over it but unfortunately with how all things go, the harder you try to control something, the less able you are able to do so and in fact, it turns its head on you and controls you instead.
Post-yoga. Expensive yogurt pot.
That big meal and I demolished the slice of cheesecake almost by myself, with the generous avocado toast, and half the pot of hummus. I wonder where my huge appetite comes from and that explains why today I am paying the price.