I’m just not _______ enough.
*insert random 7-letter word
I’m just not _______ enough.
*insert random 7-letter word
According to dictionary.com:
So.. it can apply in many different scenarios and circumstances. Sometimes, many times, I have felt like I have “overstayed” my presence/welcome, even if the people concerned are my own blood-related family members.
To me, I just try to be as present as I can, even if sometimes I don’t really do anything but just being physically there I see it as a sort of support that I am rendering to whatever family event. It isn’t that I do not want to lend a helping hand but usually I just do not want to meddle in what many hands are already doing, lest I screw things up, or simply because there isn’t any space for me to butt myself into. Yet, it could come across as me not being interested to lift a finger. So, perhaps that could explain the slight feeling of hostility I experienced. Or have I been too sensitive as usual?
Friends. They come and they go. When you are not part of the squad, I guess it is also timely that I exit from the picture. It always pains me when such situations occur but really, we can’t help it. Life happens in episodes and seasons, and so do the people who enter and exit our lives. Everything has a season and a reason, and when the season is over and the reason is lived out, it is then time to move on and along. Seasons can be long or short, and reasons can be simple or complex and multi-faceted. Nevertheless, sometimes, there is a recurrence of season or reason, sometimes, there isn’t. We just have to accept that this is life, a flux of changes, a flux of people, a flux of everything.
Time has passed so quickly. June flashed by. July is almost over. Celebrated the actual day of my birthday with 2 persons. Sort of. These people whom I have met through the course of my working life years back, who have also come and went and I guess in this case, come back again. It defies the adage that you don’t make friends from work. But then again, nothing is ever cast in stone or that is absolute, except death and taxes. Friends I have made from school days who I still keep in contact with, but we do not connect on the same level. With friends from school, there is that shared experience of growing up but because we had not stayed in touch throughout the growing up years, rather I have different friends from different schooling phases, and because perhaps schooling and growing up years were considerably comfortable and smooth, the connection is not that deep? I can’t really begin to explain, but sad or undesirable as it may be, people connect better and deeper over shared hardship, which actually facilitates the formation of stronger bonds between people. At least that is how I see it.
Decided to take a ‘break’ today and just head for breakfast/brunch/lunch right after the class that left me feeling a whole bunch of frustration. Despite I try to breathe and be all zen about it, I just can’t seem to do that during this particular instructor’s class. I know everyone has their quirks and need all the chances and opportunities they can get to improve, to do what they are doing, to be empathised with, to be tolerated, etc.; I need those too, but it’s just so trying each time.
So well, this is my well deserved nosh after the extended class; yes the class always ends late if it’s this instructor teaching. But I suspect this is just going to be the first part of the supposed breakfast/brunch/lunch because it won’t be enough to satiate me for long. I will start to feel peckish. So let’s just called this brunch. Then I’ll have lunch later haha. But no more coffee later, I think one cup a day is good enough for now. Definitely won’t want to risk losing sleep or compromising the quality of it with an afternoon caffeine dose. And coffee probably isn’t such a wonderful idea with a phlegmy cough that suddenly developed out of nowhere.
Days like these. Simple bliss, comfortably nestled in a lightly air conditioned environment that isn’t freezing like the usual malls, staring and squinting to look out where the glaring sunshine is scorching the ground and people walking past.
It’s June. Time just whizzes past so fast it’s amazing that we have completed 5 months of 2017. Where did all the seconds, minutes and hours go? So many things occurring everywhere else that I’ve already lost track of them. Carpe diem. Because we never know what will happen tomorrow, so it’s important to know our priorities and live life to its fullest like today is the last, not putting off what we have always want to do.
Yes I’m still around! I’ve neglected this space. I haven’t lost my interest in writing but I just didn’t find it in me to write on anything that would be meaningful. So I have conveniently not posted anything in the last couple of months.
Also there are other platforms for me to easily share the little things that happen in my life as compared to WordPress. But I’m still alive, all glory to God. And lord, I’m going to trust in You for everything.
Even though I started 2017 wanting to write more, this has obviously not translated into real, tangible action to do so. A month has passed, and this is my second post in as many months. That said, January has been quite a whirlwind, even as usual, nothing spectacular or out of the ordinary transpired. I could not remember what took place in the intervening days, other than the Lunar New Year that came and went just a few days ago. Lunar, because someone on Facebook mentioned how it should not be called ‘Chinese New Year’ as the festival is observed by not just Chinese. The Koreans, Vietnamese too? and several other nationalities celebrate it as well so let us just call it Lunar New Year.
This year, the office held a department lunch the day before the eve, since eve fell on a Friday and it’s traditionally a half-day off for us. For the first time, the lo-hei was an official one. In the past years, I recalled that we had a lo-hei at one of the bosses’ home when we held a BBQ at her place. Then in another year, we got lunch catered in the office and the lo-hei was either provided as part of the catered package, or we got it from outside. Either ways, I guess it’s a new practice that comes with a new boss.
Lunch at the Silk Road was a pretty pricey affair since it’s a special set menu that we were ordering. I won’t comment on the food since I do not count myself a connoisseur of food to say if it is good or bad, but the service definitely was not up to par. The restaurant was crowded, which is understandable since everyone was having their office lunar new year lunches, but they should have already expected it based on the bookings made, yet they made no (does not seem like they did anyway) plans to ramp up their staff to handle what needed to be done. We were one of the first tables there but ended up receiving tardy service; the interval time between dishes were inconsistently timed and they actually missed out one dish entirely until we had to remind them of it. Perhaps it was due to the fact that the set we picked was the lowest as compared to the other tables who seemingly ordered the premium sets?
So anyway it is a ‘free’ lunch for me, and it kicked off with the prosperity yu-sheng, which used smoked salmon instead of the usual raw fish. Not too sure if this was due to the raw fish scare that took place last year. I am not a big fan of smoked salmon but this one was still ok since I only had a slice. I was more interested in the 黄金, the crispy crackers that were so fragrant while munching.
On the eve of Lunar New Year, it’s the usual steamboat reunion dinner. Same as last year, we had it at my brother’s place and the food seems to be much less than before. We just cannot eat as much as we used to because most of us, with the exception of my nephew, are well past the age where our metabolisms can support massive eating.
Just before the Lunar New Year, I was down with a bout of flu and was / am still recovering from having phlegm stuck in my throat. But that did not stop me from feasting and enjoying the new year goodies. Though I do not binge on pineapple tarts, loveletters, bak kwa and the lot, I can actually count the number of pieces I have so far, I really let go in indulging in roasted cashews, green pea cookies and arrowhead chips. These are my kryptonite during this festive season, and they are no less heaty and unhealthy as compared to the others. Oh well, it’s once a year so I should not be so hard on myself right? The 初三 popiah party that was held, kind of like an annual tradition of my family too, again had me indulging in so much unhealthy food. Instead of eating the star dish of popiah, I was snacking non-stop on what my brother cooked with his air-fryer, a housewarming gift he received last year. Haha. So we had things like fries, chicken karaage, and prawn roll!
To balance out all that fried food, our lo-hei was a healthier version though. Put together by my aunt, it’s mainly a ginormous plate of sliced fruits, topped with the sinful sweet sauce though, and of course the 黄金, which my brother added on a copious amount with Lay’s Potato Chips – talk about innovation.
So that is 2 rounds of 捞鱼生 so far. Time to start reining in the eating!
Happy 2017. Although it’s already the third week of the new year.
Philippians 3:13-14 says:
Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind me and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.
In this brand new year, I should learn to look forward and not into the past; that whatever has passed is past and put them behind me. It is ok to reminisce but to live in past memories only serve to make us get stuck in a time warp, unable to progress forward.
Well, I don’t know if there is anything that I am hanging on or holding on to in the past that is rendering me unable to look forward or move forward, but I know that action is important. We can have the best-laid plans but if no action is taken then there will never be any breakthrough. I hope that this can be the year of change for me, in all aspects of the word, that I can persevere in making the kind of changes that I want to see in my life.
Being financially-bound by commitments, the biggest of which is the housing loan that I should stop harbouring resentment towards but be filled with gratitude and gladness that I now have a roof over my head and place to sort of call “my own”, add on the various other necessary payments such as taxes and insurance premiums the latter of which medical-related ones are on the uptrend, I may be constrained with pushing forward with my initial plans to action.
That said, I still want to believe that this is going to be the year of change. Changes can come in small steps, but I need to take one step forward to make things happen.