The last day

It’s the end of the year 2019, and it’s also the last day of the decade.

It’s been a few years since I’ve decided against making any new year resolutions because it felt just like a symbolism that isn’t really necessary. As we are all works in progress, and life is just a never ending journey, there really is no point to set resolutions on a yearly basis, struggling to keep them or resorting to rolling them to the next year, which I’d did back then when “getting a driver’s license” was something that featured on the list for many years until I decided that I’m not going to learn driving and will just be content taking public transportation whether it be buses, subways, taxis or private hire cars.

For the new year and new decade however, I’d still wish and try to work towards certain goals. I want to live my life better and I will refuse (as much as I possibly can) to let myself be subjugated to “emotional abuse” by others. My insecure self has constantly sought external validation and acceptance from people, and most times these are people who aren’t even worth my putting them into that position of power over my mental state and wellbeing. I want to focus myself, my time, and my efforts on people who matter, people who treat me with respect and people who will aid me towards becoming a better version of myself.

I don’t need for people to make me feel lousy about myself or to make me feel that I need to seek their acceptance, their friendship or simply just a connection. It’s sad I’ll admit, that I’ve let myself sink to that level, akin to groveling for their acceptance… but that’s a thing I need to rid myself of and put behind for good.

As the year begins and progresses, I guess I’ll write more and perhaps document if there’s any improvement in aligning how I live out my life with how I’ve envisioned it to be. Right now, I’m just glad for a bit of peace to myself, committing to myself to journal daily, maybe not exclusively on this space, but I want to get in touch with my inner self and thoughts daily, and also try to spend a bit of time reading daily.

To a new beginning. Happy new year.