choices and changes

I can’t recall if I’ve written about this, when a friend of mine, or maybe more (friends), had called me out on whining yet not being willing to commit to making changes that can and probably will help to alleviate or address the problem/issue that I whine about.

Being the defensive sort that I am, the flags and alarm bells were raised instantly as I felt wrongly accused of me not wanting to make changes to turn the situation around, because in my constricted view of my life, in which I’d already preselected the role of a victim, I was just the unfortunate result of circumstances entirely beyond my sphere of control and that there was NOTHING I could do that would help. In other words, as cliche as it sounds, “I don’t have a choice”.

But the reality is that, in almost everything, we do in fact have a choice. Even in the most dire of situations, we still have a choice somewhat. Maybe not in solving the problem but rather addressing the issue in a way such as altering our perspectives that bring us into a better headspace instead of ruminating and dwelling only on the bad and perpetuating the negative energy further.

In that regard, I have been guilty then, as what my friend rightly pointed out, of complaining and “going in circles” yet not willing to step out of my comfort zone. Because the truth is that, as much as the current situation may be bad, it is undeniably familiar and ‘safe’. It is similar to situations where victims of abuse keep returning and getting themselves into abusive relationships because they are so used to it that a relationship not marked by abuse feels strange, unfamiliar and even unsafe.

So it really behoves me to take the initiative and the first step, no matter how small it is, to change. I may not really know exactly where I’m headed or if the direction I’m hoping to move in is the right one or if it’s even clear, but the point is that if I don’t shuffle my feet out of where they currently are grounded and rooted, I will never know what possibilities there are out there, good or bad. We learn from mistakes and grow, whether it be a painful lesson or not, the important thing is to learn from it and hopefully not repeat it if we can help it.

Hoping to move out of a place of dated and limited perspective into one of liberation, flow and simplicity – all aligned and meshed in a cohesive manner – towards where I really would want to be, step by step, discovering and affirming along the way. After all, life is supposed to be a journey and process and there perhaps is not a clear and definite destination in sight ever.

Hoping that in the coming year and years to come, I can keep on moving in a generally positive direction by His grace and leading. On this second last day of the decade, may this thought sparked continue to burn bright.