lost in the crowd

Christmas.

Throngs of people out to enjoy the holiday off, shopping the post-Christmas sales perhaps?

Shopping has lost its lustre for me over the last few years. Times when I’ll walk past or into a store, attracted by something that caught my eye, but nine of ten times, I’ve walked away empty handed. Or more. I won’t count trips to the department store to replenish skincare items, or drugstores to replenish selfcare items, because those are a necessity. Groceries don’t count either. These days, my money goes to mainly food and fitness, after factoring in skincare, bills, personal care, insurance, home loan, and transport.

Exercising is one of my greatest ways to distract me from the constant obsession with food. Once in a while I can get my mind to take its focus off food, when I’m in class, struggling to breathe to stay conscious or struggling to balance or ensure I don’t pass out from a palpitating heart about to explode against my ribs.

Christmas came and went. It made me die a little more inside as my once rekindled faith in people gets gradually chipped off once more, bit by bit, slowly but surely.

If only I can just be done with people.

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