Recently I had been reading.
By recent, I meant the recent months. And by reading, I meant… maybe a couple of books here and there, not extensively like what it might seem to sound.
I read books that are often categorized as self-help, which sometimes attract a rather negative opinion from some, those that some people turn their noses up at because they feel what’s being written in such books are common sense, or that the recommendations are too generic, fluffy or whatever. But there’s a reason why the self-help literature is so extensive, and why bookstores devote a sizeable (I think) real estate to these resources.
I can’t speak for all or even a significant part, but there are self-help books out there which are really worth their salt and can be very life-changing to their readers. I was introduced to this researcher by a friend who recommended me a book she wrote, and it contained so many precious gems of takeaways that had me nodding my head unconsciously in agreement at so many junctures.
I watched some of the videos where she went on Oprah’s show and also a couple of TED talks.
In one part, she mentioned how we need to make connections, and making connections involves sharing about yourself, letting yourself become vulnerable to this other person, and at some point hopefully it becomes mutual and a deeper connection can be formed. Ok these are mainly my thoughts in my own words, but she cautions that we don’t just go out and share everything with everyone hoping to connect with them or see who we get lucky with. Instead of me always thinking about imposing on the other person and burdening him/her when I share, she talked about how the other person needs to earn that privilege to hear what you have to share, that this person must be worthy.
I suppose that’s like flipping it around. But I always feel bad about sharing because I fear that I’m spreading negativity or colouring the meet up in a dark light.
Thing is, I’ve been sharing with friends, and with the limited things I’ve read so far, I can perhaps already sort of distill who are the ones I can continue to share with and who aren’t. There are some, whether they are or once were close friends or even family, who just don’t belong to this category and at this point maybe I just shouldn’t spend too much time and effort on now.
That being said, of course I know to be mindful that in sharing, the purpose isn’t to just vent and rant, it’s done with an intention to connect, and through this sharing, ultimately it’s still towards a healthier and happier me.
I really don’t need to give people or things a chance to make me feel shitty about myself, on my own, my thoughts are really well able and competent to do that. There are so many times I seem to be the only one who bothers, who enthuses about a meet up, who tries hard to reconnect, only to be made to feel like the biggest idiot around because nobody else cares or bothers, and that they have other things more worthy of their time than you.