i am so tired.

Somewhere along the way, I seemed to have gotten lost. It is tempting to just backslide, to go with the flow of getting lost in the midst of life, yet it just leaves me feeling so drained and tired each and every day, every minute, every second. I can’t seem to muster any ounce of energy from within to go through an instant without feeling the effort. And all these, despite that exercising is supposed to pump me with adrenaline to keep me going during the day, despite that filling my body with mostly healthy foods is supposed to keep me energised and alert, despite that the daily caffeine boost in the morning is supposed to prep me up, despite that the frequent intake of small bouts of sugar is supposed to keep my blood sugar level up. What’s happening?

I need to be found again. I want to start writing here again. Not to catch up because that is probably highly unlikely with the long absences. Even if there is nothing much happening, there are so many things that go through my mind, like an implosion of activity within my grey matter that is yet made fuzzy with incoherence.

Tokyo. It was supposed to be a week for me to get away, and recharge. I think perhaps I did, at some point, yet I didn’t feel all that relaxed, for most parts of the time. I could still myself in a high-strung state sometimes, teetering on the edge and rushing. What’s the rush for?

I wished I didn’t have to return to reality. But holidays are temporal. That is a reality that needs to be accepted.

I can’t wait for May to be over. But will the end of it herald anything? Will the end of it bring me any reprieve?

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