blessed.

I have two more Korean language classes to attend, and then I think it is an appropriate time to take a break from it. I decided to pick up Korean in August 2011 on a whim, because at that point I think I was in a Korean craze, being kind of caught up in K-pop and culture, etc. But as with many other things in my life, I think I have passed it. I have spent a fair bit of money on the classes, and although I hate to say it, it still is quite a large amount wasted. Till date, I don’t think I have achieved much in terms of proficiency. It is tough to study a language and excel in it, become conversant and proficient in it, if you are not living and breathing it. Especially when there is a lack of conscientiousness in revising and making it a bigger and more integral part of life. I don’t watch Korean dramas anymore, don’t watch Korean variety shows and don’t listen to K-pop now, or as much. Even with Japanese that I have been studying since… 2008, I don’t think I can call myself proficient. But Jap is different. Having invested that much time and effort in it, I don’t think it is something that I will give up, at least I feel a deeper attachment to it because after all, Japan and in particular Tokyo, is one place that holds a close place in my heart.

Over the last few days, I come to realise, or at least I think I did, that I have often been blinded by my own preoccupation with myself. I kept focusing on me and me alone, that I wasn’t able to let go of a lot of things and be happy. There are many things that I can be and ought to be thankful for, despite that I frequently lament about the lack in my life. Honest reflection will show that in reality, maybe I don’t really lack that much. In fact, I have lots of blessings and favour in my life. I don’t have many friends now, but there are the select few who can be around to offer me support and a listening ear when I need, whether they are physically around or not. My family is here with me, and although we were not well-to-do to begin with or when I was growing up, the amount that we had never really affect the level of joy and happiness that we enjoyed and shared as a small family unit.

This was drawn by one of my Korean classmates a couple of lessons back. She’s a very talented young girl who never fail to amaze me with her innocence. It is true that innocuity seems to bring about unadulterated enjoyment of life, which somehow gets lost as we grow up and come to become a part of society. 

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There were a couple of friendships that put me through a lot of pain and heartache in the last years. I was unhappy and angry for various reasons, and in one case, after I let go, despite that the friendship was no longer close, I felt so much better without the expected heavy sense of loss. Yes, it is sad that we aren’t as close as we used to be, but at least we have had a great time before and that was what mattered, now that we have both moved on. I just learnt to let go of another knot in me and with it, I also felt lighter and happier. It just happened, that one day I decided not to be burdened by the unhappiness that I had caused within myself, or the weight just lifted off of me. Maybe things have also changed between us like in the first instance, but at least I am no longer angry and I can start to move along once more.

2 thoughts on “blessed.

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