We often take the weekends to recharge to power ourselves up for the work week ahead. However, the imbalance between the number of working days per week and weekend sort of spells a fate doomed to failure.
Over the last weekend, I partook in the usual activities that I do on weekends. I felt bad about not visiting my folks but physically I was just a little too bummed to make the trip to their place, and the consideration of the homeward trip further dampened any inclination to go. I know that I would enjoy that brief time with them, even if we do not speak much or in-depth. It would just be a few short hours that I spend with mum, and then even lesser with dad and bro, a simple but gratifying home-cooked dinner, but there is a quality that cannot be measured by the duration.
Yoga tires me out, I won’t deny that. For a number of days that I have lost count, I had attended two classes per day, one each in the morning before work and another after work in the evening. On weekends, or public holidays (recent long weekend), I would make myself go for more. Whether I use it as a means of making myself feel better psychologically that I am “burning calories”, however warped and inaccurate that line of thought is, or if I am just abusing the time by filling it up with yoga, it has depleted my energy. I feel the palpable soreness in my body that cries for rest but yet the feeling of attending class seldom ever make me leave with regrets. It almost always feels good after a class, despite that I know I need rest.
So with yoga, with happy food, and also with church service on Sunday where I really dozed off and struggled to stay awake (I don’t know why service has this strong and immense ability to lull me to sleep almost instantly), I think I fuelled up a little. Pastor spoke about the night season, and even in one of the recent devotionals, we are called to not question about why we are in the night season or why it happened to us, but that these night seasons, these struggles and challenges that we are in, would invariably show the grace and provision, favour that God has blessed us with and that no matter what, He would deliver us and bring us to the light. That was the gist of the messages that I gleaned, however in/correct they may be.
The difficulty always lie with being able to let go of self-effort because we don’t know what is self-effort and to what extent am I trying to rely on myself to overcome the adversity and the negative emotions, or how do I let go? Rest does not equate to inactivity, so where does the line stop – at which point does self-effort begin or end?
Oh I forgot about continuing from an earlier part of the post.
After the weekend… with whatever charge I’d infused into myself, it was barely into the second day of the workweek and I already felt like my tank was drying up.